SILENCE IS SUPER POWER

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Here’s how you conquer silence for greater connection and a deeper understanding of yourself and other people
Our culture has an uncomfortable relationship with silence. Don’t believe me? Next time you’re in a conversation, try waiting five seconds after the other person stops talking before you respond to them. Just five seconds. See what happens.

Studies show that the typical gap between when one person stops and another person starts speaking is just 200 milliseconds long. A fraction of a second. Another study found that people started to feel uncomfortable when the gap in a conversation stretched to four seconds. So, a gap of five seconds? I bet one of you rushes to fill the void.

Silence is hard to maintain, and that’s why mastering the void between words can be a true superpower. This is something effective negotiators know well. Make your counterpart talk first, and you’ve shown that you are in control. Chances are they will give up ground. The same is true if you’re trying to pry valuable information out of a criminal suspect or a moody teenager — sit across from them without speaking, maintain eye contact long enough, and eventually, most people will spill their guts.

“Silence is the ultimate weapon of power.” — Charles de Gaulle

There is another benefit to conquering silence, however, one that has less to do with getting information than it does with deepening human connection. My work as a professional chaplain frequently puts me in situations where someone is experiencing a health emergency or a tragedy of some kind. What do you say to someone who has just been given a terminal diagnosis? Or to someone whose spouse just died?

After almost two decades of providing spiritual support to people in a hospital setting, I’ve learned that silence sometimes communicates far more than words.

The Gift of Silence
Many years ago, I was a rookie chaplain working at a hospital in Chicago when I met a patient named Carl, who had been diagnosed with late-stage cancer. It was clear that he had a lot on his mind, but he wasn’t very talkative. Maybe a shrug here, a word there. Mostly, he sat quietly and looked out the window. I…

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